Reflecting.

This week has stretched me thin, but it was amazing. Healing may take its course through process, but grace is instantaneous. I love that. God is good, no matter what. In the midst of everything I can keep my focus on God and press through. But hey I'm contending for the healing even more! I was talking to Shayna about how when I get breakthroughs with God my health just plummets. Haha I was thinking about something Heather said once "the devil is like a fat kid behind a skinny pole, what an idiot he can't hide". Haha it's humorously accurate. I know what he's doing and my prayers will beat it out of my life. The devil can't win, I'm going to kill him with my prayers.

On a more lovely note. The ten year banquet was amazing. I was thinking so much of all that's happened since I started going to the City Church in 8th grade. Remembering all the times Pastor Tami, Jerry, Paige, and Casey told me they were praying for me when I was hitting rock bottom. When I didn't understand God, and my life was ripping to its last shred, they were fighting for me. And how it took me to the summer I finished 9th grade to truly give my life to God. That whole time they were there in love, hope, faith, and persistance. How Charlotte never gave up, the 20+ hours a week she gave up to spend with me my whole 9th grade year. That night at my first GC camp when everything that had happened was released from my grasp, the Holy Spirit came rushing in, and I was CHANGED FOREVER. When I got on a plane to Lake Tahoe, and was told I was going back to live with my dad, after being kicked out for the second time. And how I got to go back home to "pack" and Charlotte came over and for the first time I began to believe in the power of prayer. And how every scripture she turned to in the Bible applied to my life, and I could feel life from what seemed so cliche to my heart for so long. The night when Pastor Casey asked me to share my testimony, and I looked up to see Generation Church standing up to clap for me- for the first time I was beginning to see what God had for my life, and how I was a part of a church that didn't look at me as number one hundred something, but as their own flesh and blood, a joint heir to Christ. I am so thankful for everything, I remember God telling me about my life one morning in preservice prayer and how as I was standing there with life flowing through me, I wouldn't have been, hadn't things played out the way they did. Joanne, a testimony of the ministry God has called me to. My first fruit, her passion for God, a pure heart, and she will never have to live without a purpose. [These events some are out of order...] The night God spoke to me about my future and the next night Pastor Jude pulled me away from praying over someone to prophesy over me- it literally transformed my life. When Pastor Tami came up to me and confirmed what God has spoken to me. When God spoke to me to disciple Kristy, this shy girl with her whole world weighed down in hurt, and I gave her all of my love, time, and energy. I'll never give up on her, it is no option I know of or would want to. Once God opens your eyes to the potential in someone elses's life it is a belief inside of you that can't be broken. There is so much I started to think of, I mean I could probably sit here and type for hours.

All of these beautiful things. These fragments of the whole (And you'll probably continue to hear me coin that phrase, it's what God is speaking to me about in this season of my life). I started to cry as I listened to Pastor Tami and Jery talking about the church in that video, watching little Jackson S. prophesying over someone with tears streaming down his face, his voice shaking, looking at people worshiping with whole hearts, hearing and seeing so many things I'd been there to experience. Seeing people I've had the privilege of getting to know over the past few years and months, clips of their passion displayed for all to see. A recording of some of the girls I've been ministering to on campus clubs...these are things I can't imagine to live without. It's amazing to see the things you live for when you live for God. It's crazy to think you'd ever not want those things. Even seeing myself in that video, it made me realize somethings about God. I truly love my life. I truly love God. I truly love the call He gave me. And it takes my breath away to know God wanted to use me. And five people selflessly paved the way for me to walk in and live these things out. I love my pastors and the vision they have layed their lives down for.

I am so excited for what comes next. Old wineskins being put to the side, and the new wineskin being filled with fresh wine. "The old the say is better", oh but not for me. Not for me. I want to leave off on this last reflection. Pastor Casey said something to me when we met a few weeks ago that broke off something in my life, he in many ways is the father I never had. And because of it, last thursday I sat in a group of fifteen girls and shared the love of God with them, led four to salvation, and watched a couple of them walk into GC that night. Who brought those 15 girls? A girl named Evelyn, who I stepped outside of myself to share the gospel with a couple of months ago. I had been praying and fighting off discouragement and asking God, please give me someone genuine... it had been hard to reach out watching a handful of my disciples backslide with everything in their power. In fall of 08 I sat down with her and shared the gospel, led her to salvation, and handed her my number a few minutes after. I wasn't sure what to think and then a couple hours later she called, left a voicemail, and a text- eager to come to GC. She has been bringing 5 to 10 people to GC every week, and is filling her campus club with people. "I just can't stop praying, I want to invite everyone to church, can you help me find a scripture to speak to my sports team, can I have more of those touchcards so many people want them....I just wanted you to know my life is changed because of you"....those are some of the things I've heard her say to me lately. I am sitting here thinking about everything, thousands of things that God has placed in my care. I am so in love with God, because He is so in love with me.