Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." -Luke 9:23-24
I was thinking about how I've confided in certain people, friends- lately more than I have confided in God, the one who hears the echos in the depths of my heart, the things that revolve round and round, till sense has made its way through. I was telling someone the night before I was over something, not able to take it, feeling cut open in such an inconvenient way. I've been asking so much lately, trying to make sense of all this, asking God. But I'm just thinking about how I need to just sit down and talk to Him. I think it's when I'm hurting that it's hardest for me to do that. But I've come to an un-fatal conclusion: I truly can't handle them on my own. He takes my burden, He always has, and that's the thing. Independence is a huge barrier, and I'm so glad God was and will continue to be persistent in breaking mine down. Every once in a while I have to remind myself of that; and be assured God wants my whole life, even the most bloody and torn apart pieces. When you are in the perfect will of God (I don't care if that sounds cliche) the accusations, assumptions, and attacks that are thrown on you are sometimes unescapable. Not everyone will understand the cost you paid for, not everyone will perceive the vision you are staring hard at, not everyone will respect the decisions you are making to become the person you were created to be, and not everyone will love you in a way that is the way you need because of where you are. But for what it's worth (and it's worth everything in a far more infinate way than temporate) you never could live without those things, and feel successful. I anticipate the moment I'm wide awake and spill these words out, arise cry out, further exposing the things I've laid out, pouring out my heart like water before the face of the Lord. That moment starts now.
UPDATED 4.13.09
(Something I read from Pastor Casey's blog)
"In the Proverbs it has this to say regarding information: v. 29:11 - Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. v. 29:20 - There is more help for a fool than someone who speaks without thinking. Wow! Those are some cutting verses. If you don’t want people to know your heart...don’t post it on a blog, twitter or facebook/myspace. If you want to tell the world, then by all means post away. Just be prepared for the repercussions. An interesting part of verse 20, it says there’s more help for a fool. If you read the psalms and proverbs, you recognize the disdain and annoyance that a fool causes. But in this verse the bible says that there’s more hope for a fool than for somebody who vomits their emotions to everyone. Do you have a burden? Do you have a problem? Do you have issues? First of all, we all do. Second, that stuff is perfect to express to Jesus in your personal prayer time."
even though he was talking about what you say online, it still applies to what you say offline, hah. =]
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