It's the coldest hand against my throat, and I just can't breathe enough to let out anything worth living through. I remember so much, and for some odd reason in an instant I can cease to feel it anymore and believe things are different. But there's a point where I have to think it all through, examine what every part of me is experiencing..and realize there is a plot behind it all..one I have not created...but one I am a part of.
I felt for some time I was standing in the midst of this and just understanding it for myself. At this point after so much and so many times, I didn't think there'd be any left to stand by and tell me they had my back. You can watch from a distance and come after. But no one's going to hit me like that anymore, no one's going to get so close to destroy any part of my life. But there's a glimpse of another attempt..and I'm just not sure why. There were such brutally honest words proceeding from the lips of one....admitting all the intention behind the action....and after such...how can anything ever be reinvented?
The weirdest thing is when you begin to read through a situation and make an assessment of what is truly going on. You start to see something that is rather unfortunate and there's a bit of heart left in you, telling you no that can't possibly be. But a few occurrences later your heart may be soft, but you are in fact seeing just how possible it is. No one wants that pain, or to say that's part of their story- but it's realistically part of so many people's.
I just can't finish this now.
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