you'll do just fine.

it all happens so fast
you thought, you tried, you encountered
it was broken at the moment's last
and then again you have stopped yourself
but no one looks at what you've caught
everyone's searching for that one thing
you said you forgot
and all the while it was ringing in your heart
a resounding and brilliantly loud
sound of compassionate belonging
the essence of the reason behind
all that makes you fall apart
to your heart and mind
but when they look at you
this is not what they find
sick to your stomach
alive in your words
there's nothing quite enough for you to be proud
there's nothing quite enough for you to be ashamed
hurting, striving, searching
but it's going to be on this day
this time where you are broken
and ill-fated words are the only ones spoken
you have to face it
it's the only sound to be heard
the song of repentance
has not drifted away
you've realized how much you felt blamed
but you were so quick to catch it as it came your way
the words floating off of one's mouth with ease
and it's that one thing...you never expected
and this time you have closure
this time you see your innocence
this time you say it is in fact over
and someone stands there to draw the line

think about it.

Pastor Natalie asked the intern girls a great question today: "what do you want to be remembered [known] for?"

This is what I said.
1. As someone who truly has placed God as the focus of their life & loves Him with a whole heart
2. Someone who would give anything, count any cost, be selfless, lay down my life for God. Nothing's too much, too important, too valuable.

"This is the assigned moment for Him to move into
the center, while I slip off to the sidelines."
-John 3:30

see

Acts 9:18-19 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

revolutionize -verb; effect a radical change in, to fill with revolutionary purposes.

C L A R I T Y
& it's changing, strengthening, and transforming my life.

"I

saved this seat for you"



It's always so cold these days.

70 times 7

received an apology for a stab in the back.
& then some.----------------------i had not expected this, as the two of us had conversation over dinner. there's so much that had happened...so much I had come to terms with through blood, tears, and pain. Coping is a method of the useless kind, getting by is only temporary, and resolving is the hardest to fathom, but healing- healing is key.

May my vindication come from You;
may Your eyes see what is right.
-Psalm 17:2

that day last week, i keep thinking about, and the few other occasions with others like this.

After undergoing a series of betrayal or abuse without someone telling you it wasn't your fault, it's natural that you begin to believe it was. The truth of the situation, the truth of the matter gets so beaten and worn down because you're exhausted and the last thing you want to do is fight after being fought. I just chose through these ordeals to cling to God, to claim Him as my vindication. I had not expected Him to ever bring some of these people to humble themselves to me.

It's funny the way God shows you that your healing is not yet done. And when He brings it into completion, you're kinda just in shock. There's more to come, there's a deeper pouring out of His love.

the craziest thing.

is a revelation that keeps unfolding.

Sleepless with a smile.

"Maybe then the weight of the world wouldn't seem so heavy
But then again, I'll probably always feel this way"

The reverse. The feeling that just when you've come to terms- such have disintegrated--and once again it's time to define. I'm not sure exactly what terms I could come close to relating to in a way valuable to me. It's interesting upon discovery, that you realize there's still more, there's still something untouched. I don't know. The hardest thing to explain most often is in fact yourself and the way you feel. Even trying to explain to yourself is a task. But for what it's worth I love a good challenge.