of course we've all seen the sun.

"I never could explain why I keep coming back... From brilliant lights to a subtle dim; from open fields to walls that are caving in... I don't want to
leave, but I should go."
an excerpt of most recent
One thing that can consume a moment and then buy out a period of time.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." -voice one.

Do you know I never knew it'd be this way. Of course no one can predict the way life will be. You may have your presumptions and preconceived notions, but I'm willing to bet you wouldn't bet too much that you're dead on correct.

"How are you doing?" -voice two.

It seems as if the roles reversed. I would not expect. As the dog turns back to his vomit...I'm seeing this whole broken record formula at the cost of my own betrayal. If you must do this, do it elsewhere and leave me be. My face was stained black and my eyes were stinging from it. My hands couldn't really stretch out far enough, and I trembled with each passing tear.

"Saw you crying tonight it was really intense". -voice three.
But it was lifted. And there was that sense of unwavering hope. Have you ever felt that? In the midst of your deepest pain, your hardest betrayal, your worst persecution...the hope of your calling, and excitement for something better shines the light straight through you and all you can do is pick yourself up and start to run.

And so I'm writing out the stories of these different time periods in my life. For intern's Counseling 101 class....

cool.

jesusbranded.com has some interesting art work. :]

fire fall down.

There's so much I want to say.
What a life it is that I live.

There's been some traumatic events, some healing moments, and some absolute breakthrough and answer to prayer. I am so thankful to God and His undying faithfulness to my life. A lot has happened since interns started. God explained to me during my first year of interns that He would begin taking me through the fire and that He would bring me out into the rich fulfillment. I never knew, or fathomed such a season of fire and how painful, beautiful, and refining it would be. And the rich fulfillment is coming into view...my life yielding the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

God wants us broken. And when we aren't He'll break us or allow something to break us. For what purpose? To become more whole than you were ever able to be before. Call me crazy but it's one of my favorite things, to be broken down, to count it all joy in various trials--to truly be strengthened by what is so truthfully and dis-eloquently put: not easy.

1. A month ago I was taken advantage of in a way that tears at my heart and spirit. 2. A couple weeks ago I put my foot down at a violent rage of verbal abuse and left my house for good. 3. Everything has been going under more and more fire in ways I had not suspected. BUT all in all I've been trusting in God more than ever and crying out to Him.

I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. -Philippians 4:12-13 MSG

After five years of enduring some of the most painful situations at home God turned something traumatic around to open the doors to something peacefully right for me. And the other events besides at home [[like 1]] sure did a toll on my heart and I was angry and confused and to the point of tears left and right, and now I'm watching restoration gracefully wind it's way through the situations. Satan or anyone for that matter can steal anything they want from you physically, naturally, emotionally...but they can't ever take away your HOPE, FAITH, or CALLING.

I've been talking a lot with God these days. Genuine and heartfelt conversations with the one who loves me most. And He's been revealing to me myself the way He sees me. He's been explaining every part of the path my feet have stepped on. He's been showing me His ways and clarifying His whispers through the words of others around me. And I'm experiencing this abundance of life in the midst of death, loss, persecution, and brokenness. And a freedom that enables me to press in so hard to the kingdom of God, because you know, the violent take it by force :].


From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. -NIV
From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force. -NASB
And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force. -NKJV